Stress Isn’t a Sign You’re Broken
Just because you have stress or anxiety, doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
I think we’ve gone too far in trying to eliminate all stress, that anytime we find ourselves in a stressed state or feeling a little anxiety, we think we’re broken.
But our nervous system responses are there for a reason. And for a lot of situations (both in your control and out of your control), stress is the appropriate response!
Here’s an example of something out of your control:
You find out a bunch of people at your company are getting laid off. You’re newer there and so you know you’re most likely to be on that list. You need this job and the market is pretty saturated with people who have your skills.
It would be entirely appropriate and understandable to have heightened levels of stress and anxiety.
Here’s an example of something in your control:
You decide to go sky diving. You’re afraid of heights but you want to show yourself you can do this. Leading up to the day, you have intense anxiety: stomach is a mess, you have heart palpitations, you feel weak. It takes everything in you to get on that plane, and you are filled with adrenaline.
It’s completely understandable to have heightened levels of stress and anxiety.
When it’s something we’re choosing, we tend to view the anxiety as normal or acceptable, but when it’s something that feels like it’s out of our control, that same level of stress or anxiety feels like it will break us.
Quite often, the only difference is the way we view it.
Take a moment and think about all of the stressors in your life. Maybe even write them down and make a list. Then imagine someone you love was going through all of those exact same things. Would you be understanding and compassionate with their levels of stress they were feeling?
We pile on more stress when we judge our responses. Stress doesn’t always equal dysfunction. Anxiety isn’t a sign that you’re broken. Sometimes these responses are entirely appropriate given the situation.
It’s only if our response is way bigger than the actual stressor, or when the anxiety doesn’t match the threat. That’s a sign that our nervous system is dysregulated. It’s overreacting to potential threats as if they’re life threatening when they’re only uncomfortable.
And if that’s where you are, you’re still not broken, it just means you need some help to regulate. It’s like if your smoke alarm is a little too sensitive and it keeps going off when your neighbors are cooking bacon - that means learning how to turn down the dial.
This is what I created Regulate + Thrive for. It’s a course that walks you through everything you need to regulate your nervous system: Understanding what’s happening in your body, developing compassion, identifying your triggers, and somatic tools to rewire your responses.
Regulate + Thrive is getting a big upgrade later this year with even more content and tools and so the price will double .. but right now you can grab it and get lifetime access, including any future additions.
Here’s how Regulate + Thrive has affected one person:
“Your course has changed my life considerably. l’ve had severe trauma for the past three years. It’s been absolutely awful. Your course was the first to explain my nervous system in a way I could understand it and what I needed to do to calm it down. It has taught me how to navigate dealing with my triggers without having a 3-day ptsd flare-up afterwards. Can’t thank you enough!”
Ready to learn how to regulate your nervous system?
