From Triage to Transformation: The SAFE Framework for Nervous System Work
I keep seeing statements like this from different nervous system coaches: “Your nervous system isn’t dysregulated, it’s doing exactly what it’s designed to do.”
And while I appreciate what they mean when they say this, I really think it’s just creating more confusion for people.
It seems like so many people are talking about the nervous system lately, and as someone who’s been fascinated by the nervous system for over two decades, I’m thrilled because for too long it wasn’t a recognized piece of the puzzle. Or if it was, it was shrugged off as just “stress.”
But with so many voices now trying to help you “heal” your nervous system, it can be a little confusing as to which advice you should listen to.
So which is it? Is dysregulation a real thing? Or is the nervous system doing exactly what it should? And if it is, why do so many people feel so awful so much of the time?
Let’s unpack it.
What is dysregulation, really?
Depending on your algorithm, you’ve likely heard the term nervous system dysregulation before. Or maybe you’ve even said to yourself, “I need to regulate my nervous system.”
But too often I see people get wrong what regulated or dysregulated actually means. I often see people use regulated and calm interchangeably, but those are not the same thing. I see people talk about dysregulation as if it’s a sign that the nervous system is broken somehow, but that’s also untrue. To fully understand these concepts, you have to know a bit about how the nervous system works in the first place.
Your Autonomic Nervous System is your threat detection software. It’s always running in the background, always on alert to any potential dangers that could threaten your survival. Terms like Fight/Flight/Freeze or Rest and Digest are referring to parts of this system.
But what does it mean to have a nervous system that’s regulated or dysregulated?
Here’s my favorite way to illustrate it:
Your nervous system is your internal smoke alarm. You want a smoke alarm in your house. And you want it to go off if it detects any smoke. That’s a regulated alarm. It detects threats and alerts you to them when they’re present.
But sometimes the smoke alarm can be incredibly sensitive. It blares loudly at the tiniest hint of smoke particulates.. even going off because the neighbors down the street are cooking bacon. But even then, that’s not a broken alarm, it’s simply a sensitive one. And sometimes you want that. If you have a lung condition, then even those small particulates can impact you. Sensitive does not equal bad; it just may not be necessary.
Or the other problem is when the alarm doesn’t like to switch off. It senses smoke, and it sounds the alarm, but then it continues to sound the alarm, even when you’ve aired out the house and there’s zero sign of smoke left.
Those are both examples of a dysregulated system. The alarm is not set to an appropriate level, the dial needs to be changed. And our nervous system works the same way.
Our fight/flight/freeze responses are not signs of dysregulation. There are times when those responses are entirely necessary.
Your Nervous System’s Job is to Protect
Imagine someone swerves toward you in traffic. You want your threat detection system to fire because it helps you react faster and helps your mind focus on the present danger, which allows you to safely swerve away, avoiding an accident.
At the moment your system detects that threat, before you can even consciously register it, you'll have a dump of stress hormones. Your heart beats faster, you start breathing shallowly, you might even feel a little anxious and shaky. All of those are signs of a nervous system that is functioning exactly as it should. There was a threat, and you were able to launch a response that protected you from that threat.
This means that stress and anxiety are not signs of a dysregulated nervous system. Even periods of feeling numb and dissociated are entirely appropriate in certain situations. We are not built to be calm every moment of every day. These activated responses are a part of our existence, and they are not bad. The feeling of adrenaline can even be something enjoyable. Just ask the adrenaline junkies that like to jump out of airplanes.
So then, what does it actually look like when we're dysregulated?
There are two parts to it:
Your nervous system responds inappropriately to a threat. Whether the threat is real or not, the response does not match the threat. For example: going into full on shut down as if you're being eaten alive because you need to send an email.
Your nervous system cannot easily move in and out of its different states. Your threat response is activated because someone swerved toward you in traffic, but then hours later, after the threat has long passed and you're safe in your home, you're still on edge as if the threat is still right in front of you.
So is dysregulation a real thing? In my experience, yes.
What people get right is saying that your nervous system is doing what it's designed to do. It's trying to protect you. Just sometimes it needs help re-learning what you need protection from. Which means dysregulation does not mean that your nervous system is broken. It just means that it needs some rewiring and new data to operate from.
How to Regulate a Dysregulated System
This is an area where I see a lot of dissent online and even among experts. Some focus entirely on mindset: you just need to change how you view the dangers around you. Others focus on somatics: you need to learn how to feel at home in your body. Others claim it's all internal threats: an imbalanced gut, parasites, mold illness, Lyme disease... there's a long list of potential infections and infestations that are impacting your nervous system and causing dysregulation.
I’ve found that it’s often a blend of all of those things, but it’s going to be slightly different depending on each person. And that’s what can make learning how to regulate confusing and even difficult.
Our nervous system has learned what is safe and what is not safe based on our own lived experience. There is no one rule that everyone adopts as to what is dangerous and what isn’t. While there are some things we pretty universally agree on (we’re all going to feel anxiety if a bear starts chasing us), but the rest is entirely up to perception.
For instance, I grew up with a big dog and then got my own big dog as an adult. I’m not afraid of big dogs. They’re my preference actually. So if I saw a big dog walking toward me, my nervous system doesn’t register that as a threat. Usually it just makes me smile and feel excited.
But if someone else was bitten by a big dog, their nervous system is likely going to respond very differently if one starts walking toward them, no matter how friendly the dog might seem.
So any teachings on how to regulate the nervous system must take into account each unique person and how their nervous system might react.
This is how the framework that I use was born. Not only from my own lived experience in what worked and what didn’t work for my own nervous system, but also through decades of working with the nervous system of my clients.
Introducing the SAFE Framework
SAFE stands for Systems, Awareness, Foundations, and Expansion.
This framework was built from over two decades of hands-on clinical work as a licensed massage and craniosacral therapist, combined with just as many years spent reading and studying how the nervous system actually works. It’s not a theory I picked up somewhere. It’s what I’ve watched work, over and over, in rooms with real people.
The framework isn’t entirely linear. Nervous system work isn’t a one and done job. Life will continue to throw things your way and your nervous system will continue to learn from different experiences. But the point of this work is to help you come back to safety .. which is exactly what your nervous system is always trying to do.
The theme you’ll find throughout this framework is a simple shift. Instead of asking “what’s wrong with me,” you start asking “what is my nervous system doing right now and how do I support it.”
» Systems is understanding how your nervous system actually works, and why your responses make sense. This is where you learn that stress hormones are information, not emergencies .. that your nervous system is a prediction machine, reacting to what it expects based on the past, not necessarily what's actually in front of you right now.
This is a critical part of nervous system work, because as long as you believe or think that your responses are broken, you’ll only continue in that protective state.
» Awareness is noticing your patterns without judging them. This encompasses more than just, “I feel anxious right now,” but includes the thoughts, mindset, and the stories that led to that feeling. Learning to see your patterns like perfectionism, self-sabotage, and anxiety for what they are — protection — and being able to notice those patterns in real time.
» Foundations are the small, supportive practices that help your body complete a stress response and come back down. Think vagus nerve support, sensory regulation, and breathwork done carefully. Foundations give your nervous system relief in the moment and show the nervous system that it’s possible to move through different states effectively.
» And then there’s Expansion.
This is the piece that isn’t talked about enough, because it’s the part that actually rewires the nervous system so you’re no longer reacting inappropriately. .
Systems, Awareness, and Foundations I like to think of as triage. You’ll understand yourself better, you’ll notice your patterns, and you’ll have tools to address those patterns and calm in the moment. It’s an important and necessary part of the work.
But I see a lot of people stopping here. They feel better, and they’re often able to soften their reactions, but their nervous system continues to pull them back into activation. Triage will give you relief and even some progress, but progress is not the same as change.
Expansion is where you build capacity within your nervous system instead of just managing symptoms. It’s where you learn how to turn the dial down on your nervous system’s smoke alarm .. where it can sense your neighbor’s cooking bacon but know that it’s not a threat so it won’t trigger. This is where you update your threat map and change the pattern. You no longer have to worry about managing symptoms .. they’re just not triggering anymore.
When you’ve been living in survival mode for a long time, this can feel impossible. But I’ve lived these updates, in more ways than one.
For instance, one of the beliefs that has been a main driver in my life and impacted my ability to feel safe is: capable equals safe, loved, and worthy. If I could just do enough, be enough, hold it all together long enough… then I’d be okay and I’d be safe. My nervous system built this belief because somewhere along the way, being capable was what kept me safe.
Systems helped me to understand what my nervous system was trying to do, Awareness helped me to finally identify the pattern when it was taking over, and Foundations gave me the tools I needed to calm in the moment when that belief was triggered. But none of those things made the belief go away. It was still there, ready to run in the background when the opportunity presented itself.
What changed it was Expansion, actually letting myself be imperfect in small, survivable doses, and letting my nervous system collect the data that I was still safe, still loved, and still worthy, even when I wasn’t capable of holding it all together. It took repetition and it took time. And it’s honestly still not fully finished. But the story that capable equals loved is only a whisper now, instead of running the show.
We cannot ever eliminate stress, but we can expand what we can hold. That’s the end goal of nervous system work — flexibility and capacity.
*If there's deeper trauma underneath a pattern, I'll always encourage working with a trauma-informed licensed professional alongside this work. One-on-one help can be invaluable when working through responses that are specific to you.
So, is dysregulation real? Yes. But it’s not a life sentence, and it’s not due to something lacking within yourself. Your nervous system built its threat map in order to protect you .. and it used the information it had at the time. Regulation is just updating the map.
If you’re someone who's done the breathwork, read the books, tried to calm down, and still feel like you’re white-knuckling your way through your life .. then it’s time for the deeper piece. It’s time to go beyond triage.
That’s what I built Regulate + Thrive and the Rooted + Rising Collective for, following the SAFE Framework so your nervous system can learn how to feel safe and how to expand. If it sounds like a fit, let’s do the deeper work together.
